I loved you when I first saw you. I knew you would be my everything. You made me laugh and smile, something I stopped doing for a while. We’re part of His plan. He knew we would be together before we knew. He was preparing our hearts long ago. While we were both hurt and faced many challenges He was shaping and molding us to be a perfect fit. We continue to face challenges as all marriages do. I promise to give you all my heart. There is only one before you and that’s the way it should be. With Jesus first all things will fall in place. Hang in there through our challenges. Stay strong and lead me with strong hands. Allow those challenges to grow our marriage and build everlasting bonds. I love you always and with all of me.
Thank you for being there when I had cancer and never leaving me alone.
Thank you for carrying me when I was too weak to walk.
Thank you for loving me when I was hard to love.
Thank you for forgiving me when I didn’t deserve your forgiveness.
Thank you for your faithfulness, humility, and strength.
Thank you for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself.
Thank you for eternity, hope, the cross, and your undying love.
Brokenness- to be out of working order, not function, horse broken, a broken spirit, submissive
Some might think to be broken might mean to be sad or to go through a great loss. True brokenness is to be broken as a horse is broken and submits to his master. We must first admit we are broken as in ‘not working order’ or ‘not functioning’ before God can make changes in our heart so we can feel better. We have to be broken for God to fix us. We have to admit we don’t have it all together.
This doesn’t come without work or pain. Most people want instant gratification, a quick fix with little work involved. Anything worth having involves work. If we want the blessings and peace God has for us we must submit to him and ask for brokenness and a revival in our soul. We must be willing to submit before our master.
A prayer for brokenness, “Lord, show me what is in my heart I need to change. Help me understand these things so I can experience what you have for me and experience a revival in my life. What selfish, prideful, and dark places exist in my heart? Bring these things to surface and help me to overcome all of these. I pray all these things in Jesus name, Amen.”
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, these, O God, you will not despise. Psalm 51:17
Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance. For out of it will flow the springs of life. -Proverbs 4:23
Forgive yourself and your past debts [or others you have hurt]. Let God repay those you have hurt. We cannot repay others we have hurt. Resist the devil, repent, seek God’s forgiveness, forgive others and yourself. Peter asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother [others] when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered,”I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
Cute story! A must read!
When he had gone about three blocks, he met an elderly man. The man was sitting in the park just feeding some pigeons. The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the man looked hungry, so he offered him a Twinkie.
The man gratefully accepted it and smiled at boy. His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer.
Again, the man smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.
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He said to the crowd: “When you see a cloud rising in the west, immediately you say, ‘It’s going to rain!’ and it does. And then the south wind blows, you say, ‘Its going to be hot.’ and it is. Hypocrites! You know how to interpret the appearance of the earth and the sky. How is it that you don’t know how to interpret this present time?” Luke 12:57-59
Man puts a lot of time into knowing the weather but puts less time into seeing the signs of Christ and his return.
I have found it very difficult to forgive myself for things Ive done wrong. We have all sinned and we all fall short of the glory of God. Admittedly, if I were perfect Jesus wouldn’t have had to die on the cross for my sins. After cancer my life was out of control due to PTSD. The body goes through so much pain and suffering. So does the human mind. I have been in a much better place for the last year but only because I press into God.
I felt better this week after praying and doing my daily bible study. I read today about this that Paul wrote; “I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from gentiles: in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. (2 Corinthians 11:26)
This verse helped me remember that even though I have endured so much after cancer that Paul faced hardships and we as Christains will too face hardships. Just because I am a Christian doesnt mean I am promised a perfect life or have a get out of jail free card. I have found to walk with Christ I have more strength when I endure those hardships. I have more power and can persevere in those trials.
If I walk with Christ (meaning dig into my bible study, pray, and listen for Him) I have peace and joy that surpasses all understanding in trials and hardships.
I had a revelation today. Sometimes a revelation is meant for one person and other times its meant to be shared. I believe there are millions out there that this was meant to be shared.
Luke 12:47,48 reads; That servant who knows his master’s will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.
The relevance of this scripture can never be more true than when a person has survived a near death experience or of one who lives with chronic pain. He prepares those who have been through much and endure much tribulation with His daily word, a direct line of communication through prayer.
For those who seek God in times of need draw nearer to him and know him more. For that we are blessed. God in turn will use your experience to bless and grow other’s faith. This is where the ‘from everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded’ and ‘from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.’
To recieve God’s blessing stay in his word daily, use that open line of communication through prayer, and show his love through your actions with others.
I know God can take away cancer but sometimes He doesn’t. We have to understand there is a purpose for everything in our lives that happens. Good or bad, God is there. He carries us through the times we are too weak to walk this walk. I prayed for God to take away my cancer. You know those people who go to the dr. and are told they have cancer and return for another appointment and the cancer is gone. Yeah, I wanted that to be me! I prayed and asked God to please take it away. He is a God of miracles. He didn’t take mine away.
Was it because I lacked faith? Did I use up all my good prayers on other things that didn’t matter as much? Did God leave me? All these questions went through my head. No was the answer to all these. I had faith or I wouldn’t be seeking Him for help. God tells us to pray for everything. He didn’t leave me. I experienced Him throughout the illness and I still do. Some things happen because God has a greater purpose for us. I feel strongly I endured this so many will find salvation through Jesus Christ by my testimony. I have so many to share. When one prayer isnt answered it’s because God has a greater plan for us in the future. We don’t know what His plan is because we live in time. God is eternal.
When I started to recover I prayed and asked God to use me. I told Him I know the plans He has for me are great. I was still weak but strong-willed and wanted God to show me what I endured wasnt for vein. Within ten minutes of that prayer I received a phone call and my pastor wanted me to share my testimony in front of the church. This was a church of over 3,000 people. I couldn’t speak well because I had three-fourths of my tongue removed from cancer. I was so excited God answered my prayer so fast. That is a huge faith builder when God does this. All I had to do was make myself available and He used me.
My pastor contacted me the day after I gave my testimony. He said there was a man who visited our church that day. He didn’t go to church or believe in God. He wore leather, had long hair, had tattoos all over, and was a big tough guy. I’m not trying to stereotype because I know everybody needs jesus and there are plenty of people who go to church with tattoos. The man went to lunch with my pastor after church and told my pastor if I could go in front of the church and share my story fearlessly he wanted to know our God. He also told my pastor he was happy to see the love the church had for me.
Throughout the time I was sick God gave me so much. He was there when I needed Him the most. In this time He was sending people to me who needed to know Him. Because I had strong faith during this time I was and still am a living testimony of His love. I believe if one person came to know Christ through my illness it wasnt for vein. God used this time to grow my faith, bring others to know Him and make good changes in may people’s lives.
I have decided to blog about my personal experience with cancer. Since it is the one thing that has turned my life upside down. Five years ago I was touched by cancer and it rocked my world. I was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma of the head and neck. The drs. didn’t give me a good prognosis and told me it would be a miracle if I survived. My immediate response was, “You don’t know my Jesus and I don’t have an expiration date stamped on the bottom of my foot.” And so I chose to believe I would survive. I did and I am here to spread hope to all other people who endure cancer and other life challenges.
I am an artist and a visual person. Pictures make a story more real. I am sharing the following pictures not for you sympathy but so you can see how real cancer is and how far I have come becasue of my faith in God. These pictures are my during and after cancer pictures.
I would like to share about a particular story that was a serious turning point in my battle with cancer. I had chemo and a fifteen hour surgery to remove three fourths of my tongue and a muscle graft from my leg to my throat. (Then, radiation and more chemo to follow up the chemo and surgery.) I was in a lot of pain and couldn’t speak. Cancer is a lonely disease anyway but my inability to speak made me feel lost inside myself. My ex-husband (husband at the time) lacked compassion for me when I needed it most. So as he was impatient with my lack of speech I felt scared and began to wonder if I would ever speak again. I had a two hour trip to Nashville for a follow up after my surgery. I spent that two hour trip in tears and praying for God to give me a special message. I wanted him to answer me thorough a Dr or a person and tell me everything would be okay. I wanted to know I would speak again. The drs. told me that was a possibility, that I wouldn’t speak again. This was heavy on my heart. And so I asked God for a special message or for him to speak to me in a way I knew it was from him.
I made it to Vanderbilt in Nashville. The two hour trip felt like twelve. I cried and prayed the whole two hours there. After finding the ortolaryngology clinic I sat in the waiting room and prayed and cried some more. A woman across the room kept staring at me. I was used to this at this point. People stare when they see a cancer patient. Maybe the lack of hair, the scarf over my head or the NG tube hanging out my nose (used to feed me after my surgery.) I didn’t mind it at this point. She got up and slowly walked across the room to me. I had a notebook and pen in my lap. She asked to see it and began to write. This was unusual because most people just spoke to me but she wrote in my notebook. She said she was one of my Dr’s first patients and she told me I would be okay. She told me she felt compelled by God to tell me I would speak again one day. She was one of Dr. Burkeys first patients fifteen years ago. She reassured me of everything I asked God to reveal to me on the way there. She also confirmed she felt God tell her to get up, walk across the room, and deliver this message to me. God is great all the time. He revealed things like this to me throughout my illness. I will share more of these things in ‘Me and my journey.’
No matter how strong you are there are times in your life when you wont be strong enough to carry yourself through that moment. In those moments I leaned on God and found I made it. I couldn’t have done it on my own. Trust Him and lean into Him when you feel helpless. He will endure for you.