Love letter

I loved you when I first saw you. I knew you would be my everything. You made me laugh and smile, something I stopped doing for a while. We’re part of His plan. He knew we would be together before we knew. He was preparing our hearts long ago. While we were both hurt and faced many challenges He was shaping and molding us to be a perfect fit. We continue to face challenges as all marriages do. I promise to give you all my heart. There is only one before you and that’s the way it should be. With Jesus first all things will fall in place. Hang in there through our challenges. Stay strong and lead me with strong hands. Allow those challenges to grow our marriage and build everlasting bonds. I love you always and with all of me. 

Too weak to walk alone.

Thank you for being there when I had cancer and never leaving me alone.

Thank you for carrying me when I was too weak to walk.

Thank you for loving me when I was hard to love.

Thank you for forgiving me when I didn’t deserve your forgiveness.

Thank you for your faithfulness, humility, and strength.

Thank you for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself.

Thank you for eternity, hope, the cross, and your undying love.

Keep and guard …

Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance. For out of it will flow the springs of life. -Proverbs 4:23

Forgive yourself and your past debts [or others you have hurt]. Let God repay those you have hurt. We cannot repay others we have hurt. Resist the devil, repent, seek God’s forgiveness, forgive others and yourself. Peter asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother [others] when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered,”I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

Don’t expect more from a person than they are capable and you won’t be let down. Fully rely on God with all your heart for he is love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22). Man will always fall short of the glory of God because we are flawed. Dont rely on another for happiness that can only be found in Abba father. While man is full of sin, a lustful heart, greed, pride, and the ability to hurt one another God is love and always the same. He is our refuge. Fully rely on God in all things and you will be made whole.

Tears of a Woman

For all those who think women aren’t strong when they cry. We are strong. Crying is just a way of letting it go.

Morning Story and Dilbert

“Mom, why are you crying?” he asked his mom.

“Because I’m a woman” she told him.

“I don’t understand,” he said.

His mom just hugged him and said, “and you never will.” Later the little boy asked his father, “Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?”

“All women cry for no reason” was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to GOD. When GOD got on the phone the man said, “GOD, why do women cry so easily?”

GOD said:

“When I made women she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world; yet, gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her…

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The Arithmatic of Love

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing. -Mignon McLaughlin

Have you been hurt? Or have you hurt someone you love? Are you the antagonist or the protagonist?

Does this complete your insecurities to make one feel small? What have you gained?

Once a heart is hardened can it be made whole again? Have you afflicted a woman’s heart so she has been make vulnerable to you? Have you chosen your words carefully or effortlessly? Were the words that gave self-gratification worth the pain inflicted on both you and her?

To what length will you go to earn her trust again? If you have hurt a loved one seek Gods council, repentance, and ask for His help to stop hurting the one you love. Ask him to heal her heart and make changes so you don’t lose the one you love. Don’t let Satan have a foothold and create lasting strongholds in your relationship.

Cancer is a Lonely Disease

Cancer is a lonely disease. Even though I was surrounded with friends and family everywhere the feeling of being alone was very real. I’ve read other people describe having this same feeling when going through this illness. I felt scared and alone. This is something only another cancer patient can understand. It may be the fear of death and maybe it’s simply the feeling of being the only one at that moment of illness knowing the pain and not knowing one’s own fate.

I lost most of my memory while I was sick but the feeling of lonliness never eludes me. I live with chronic pain. This means from day to day I never know how I am going to feel.  I have eliminated most of my stress and my pain level has gone from a nine most days to a four most days. On the days I experience more pain (usually weather or stress related) the more isolate I feel. I have discovered a way to cope with these feelings.

Thank God I am a believer and follower of Jesus Christ because that is the one thing that keeps that feeling from overcoming me. Most days I am upbeat and thankful to be alive. I praise God for the gift of life. This is the first and most important way of coping with the solitary feelings that linger after cancer. I listen to praise music, meditate on God’s word, and give Him praise for being alive. There is something to be cherished in a life that is appreciated.

Painting is my second love next to God. A hobby is the best way to deal with those days of inadequacy. If you don’t have a hobby find something you enjoy doing. It is most important in keeping stress levels down.

Friends are another great way to keep these solitary feelings at bay. Surround yourself with a good support group and network of family and friends. It is proven people live longer who have more friends. Enjoy and laugh with your friends. Laughter lowers stress and boosts the immune system. I have found it helps lessen my pain level, feelings of being alone, and beat depression to hang out with a positive friend once a week. Laughter is a key element! Make sure your friend is upbeat and positive. Negativity will bring you down. There is nothing worse than leaving a friend and feeling worse than when you came to see her.

Even though cancer is a lonely disease there are a few ways to fight these desolate feelings. Turn it around and live. You deserve to live. Live and enjoy the life you have been given.

Signs of weather and the return of our savior.

He said to the crowd: “When you see a cloud rising in the west, immediately you say, ‘It’s going to rain!’ and it does. And then the south wind blows, you say, ‘Its going to be hot.’ and it is. Hypocrites! You know how to interpret the appearance of the earth and the sky. How is it that you don’t know how to interpret this present time?” Luke 12:57-59

Man puts a lot of time into knowing the weather but puts less time into seeing the signs of Christ and his return.

Fill your cup with joy and perseverance

I have found it very difficult to forgive myself for things Ive done wrong. We have all sinned and we all fall short of the glory of God. Admittedly, if I were perfect Jesus wouldn’t have had to die on the cross for my sins. After cancer my life was out of control due to PTSD. The body goes through so much pain and suffering. So does the human mind. I have been in a much better place for the last year but only because I press into God.

I felt better this week after praying and doing my daily bible study. I read today about this that Paul wrote; “I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from gentiles: in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. (2 Corinthians 11:26)

This verse helped me remember that even though I have endured so much after cancer that Paul faced hardships and we as Christains will too face hardships. Just because I am a Christian doesnt mean I am promised a perfect life or have a get out of jail free card. I have found to walk with Christ I have more strength when I endure those hardships. I have more power and can persevere in those trials.

If I walk with Christ (meaning dig into my bible study, pray, and listen for Him) I have peace and joy that surpasses all understanding in trials and hardships.